Fashola Mistura Ashabi narrates gender’s ordeal in Lagos

Fashola Mistura Ashabi was born and raised in Lagos state, Nigeria and she was the second of two children of a single mother, Mrs. Fashola Zainab Adedayo.

According to her, she grow up in a Muslim community, as she was taught that a woman’s life should revolve around marriage, children, and submission to her husband.

She stated that her mother worked hard as a trader in Lagos Island market to make sure she got  educated and had a decent upbringing in Lagos.

According to reports, Mistura knew she was different from her teenage years.

“While her friends fantasized about boys, she found herself drawn emotionally and physically to girls,”a report stated.   

But in a society and country where homosexuality was both taboo and criminalized (Homosexuality in Nigeria could get you up to 14 years in prison or death by stoning), she buried her feelings deep within herself, praying they would disappear with time.

In her mid-twenties, under pressure from her mother and relatives, Mistura decided to marry a man. His name was Temitope Ayinde Bankole, a well-known businessman from their community. At the starting, the marriage seemed peaceful and within a year, she gave birth to a baby boy, Adnan Bankole. But beneath that perfect image was a woman living a lie.

Mistura often felt trapped performing the duties of a wife she never wanted to be. She tried to suppress her true self, but every time she looked in the mirror, she saw the reflection of a woman suffocating behind forced smiles and cultural expectations. Eventually, she found companionship in Miss Toyin James. What began as friendship turned into an intense emotional and physical relationship.

Emergency services were called to Mistura residence on the 11th March, 2025 for physical assault by her husband and this was because he found out that his wife was a lesbian.

After returning from the hospital, Mistura went to stay at her mothers home in Lagos Island, where husband came to attack her again, and this time caused commotion within the neigbourhood. Upon the neighbours learning that Mistura was a lesbian and her mother was aware, their house was set ablaze by angry neighbours, the community called them a disgrace.

Meanwhile, her husband is still on the run, and has evaded arrest from Law enforcement agencies. The Same-Sex Marriage Prohibition Bill signed into law on January 7, 2014, by President Goodluck Jonathan of Nigeria imposes a 14-year prison sentence on anyone who enters into a same-sex marriage contract or civil union, and a 10-year sentence on individuals or groups, including religious leaders, who “witness, abet, and aid the solemnization of a same-sex marriage or union. Mistura and her mother might never be able to get Justice for the physical assault and troubles they went through, because of the great consequences of Homosexuality in Nigeria.