How do you treat the dinner lady? Wale Bakare

Women and men are intrinsically different. That is fact. If a man comes into a party and sees another guy wearing a similar shirt or holding a phone like his, chances are he would go over to the guy and say “Hi. You also got this phone. Quite good. Fantastic features. Do you know it can do blah blah…..”. The conversation would go on to where they each got theirs. How much was it and what the guy that paid more should have done to pay less. They could then go on to exchange phone numbers and before the end of the night, anyone just coming in would be forgiven for thinking these guys were old friends who had come in to the party together. Flip the scenario and you would have two women who would spend the entire night eyeing each other and praying that something evil happens to the other’s phone so she can be the only one in the room with that particular type of device. This difference was further confirmed to me a couple of days ago by a story someone (a woman too) sent to me. A lady had been arrested for killing her friend. Why? Well, the friend had ‘stolen’ the killer’s boyfriend 10 years earlier. She was devoid of remorse and was quite matter-of-fact about it. Her friend had gotten what was due to her for her betrayal. Ahusubilahi!

I couldn’t wrap my head around it. How do you store up hate in you against another person for 10 years and you keep interacting with them? You carry a smile on your face while a storm rages in your heart. Over a man! A man who has since moved on and forgotten about the existence of both of you. Absolutely mind-boggling. Guys don’t do that. Well, not as a rule. I remember one of my oldest friends, Jide. We had met  at my first love’s home where I had gone to see her without realising that she had moved on. We were in our late teens or so at the time and the young lady was a neighbour we had been sweet on each other since we were about 12, and all through secondary school, writing letters once a month, back and forth.  Anyway, she introduced me to her new boyfriend, whom I instantly hated. For about 5 seconds. Then we shook hands. And 40 years later, we are still friends. Neither of us know where our erstwhile girlfriend is now. We have been through some of the craziest things together as youths, young men, and now older men. Agreeing on most things and disagreeing on some. Like the recent political situation in the country. You see, my friend, Jide, a multimillionaire who is almost 60, is Obidient. I am not. Not at all!

Which is quite interesting. We have a ‘boys’ Whatsapp Group of about 24 of us who have been friends for upwards of 4 decades now and there are about 3 Obidients in the Group. Jide is however the most outspoken and vociferous supporter, bombarding the platform every day with pro-OBI posts since the political season kicked in. He does not in any way fit into the mould of the angry, deprived, youth whom we are made to believe solely form the army of ‘Obidients’. And he is not Igbo, even though we have taken to calling him Jide Obi on our platform. He was way outnumbered by the BATists and the non-aligned in the Group but he stood his ground and gave as good as he got. Even more. Things got testy a couple of times but never out of control. We all knew everyone was speaking from a place of conviction. No one insulted the other (except in jest which we do regularly anyway) and no one assumed anyone was being paid to take positions. People simply stood for what they believed in, and tried to sell their candidates the best way they could. Elections are over and things have returned to normalcy on our Group while the gladiators sort themselves out in court. Why then are so many still at ‘war’ elsewhere?

It’s confounding, the lengths to which some have carried their support for some candidates in the last election. Relationships built over years and decades have been shredded over political differences. Even some more recent online relationships (always the first casualties at times like this) which were going well have been summarily burnt. People that have helped you in the past or could be your saving grace in future have been insulted or denigrated over political differences and you think that makes sense? If I have an urgent need today, I will not call Tinubu, Atiku, Obi, or even Sanwoolu. I will pick up my phone and call Jide. If he does not respond for any reason, I know it is because he couldn’t talk or didn’t see the call so I will standby, knowing he WILL call back as soon as practicable. And vice versa. I cannot understand how young people, a lot of whom still have a long way to go to notch up any significant achievement against their names feel so comfortable behind the anonymity and assumed safety provided by their keyboards to slander and disparage anyone without a care. How could they be so short-sighted?

It matters little whom you support politically, you can disagree without being disagreeable. You can take pot-shots at the politicians. They put themselves out there for that and they know it comes with the territory. However, insulting or fighting with your friends or even total strangers online over political differences says a lot about your capacity to appreciate what is really important in life. Going around insulting people older than you for expressing their own opinion  in the name of being ‘woke’ only shows bad breeding and not enlightenment. The place you desecrate today might be where you will have to eat from tomorrow. Stop burning bridges you don’t even have because of politicians who will never know you. Just ask yourself the next time you type and are about to send something insulting to someone you don’t know: if Tinubu’s daughter was getting married next week, who is he likely to send an invitation to? You or Obi? As we say in these parts, borrow yourself sense!

And one other thing

I recently saw a quote from the Nigerian and former Arsenal player, Alex Iwobi, about another Arsenal (but sadly, English) player, Bukayo Saka. In expressing his feelings about the younger man, he said: “he treats the dinner ladies in exactly the same way he treats us”! To Nigerians who might not understand the import of this statement, the ‘dinner ladies’ are, for want of a better expression, the cooks. The ‘us’ are the other footballers. On average, the least paid of those guys goes home with about $40k/week. This is more than the best paid dinner lady gets in a year. Bukayo himself just signed a new contract which puts him on about $400k/week. Yet he gives the cooks the same respect he gives the millionaires. You need to come down from your high horse briefly and ask yourself the question: how do I treat the dinner lady? Have a happy Easter!