The pains and gains of crowdfunding health crisis – my experience — by Emeka Nobis

I may struggle with how to accurately outline coherently, but follow through, nevertheless.

“I showed you a product you should use, but you preferred to be begging and wasting money.”

When I broke the news of my mum’s cancer diagnosis and began to request for donations, I got lots of people from networking marketing companies in my inbox advising me to use their products. They were a ton. I wouldn’t go into mentioning the names of the products, but in my heart I split them into two categories – those who needed to sell their products for certain gains and those who truly cared. The latter comprised of people who took their times to ask relevant questions and would even retract their earlier submissions. The person who said that to me belonged to one of the MLM companies. She had pressed and pressed for me to buy a product worth N1.8M that she was sure was going to cure my mum. One dilemma people facing health struggles is the maze they enter into because of the myriad of advice they get. My God, they’re in tons.

“Emeka Nobis that is begging money on Facebook is who you want to invite to come and teach on making money.”

This particular person who said this in a meeting where deliberations were being made regarding speakers to invite is someone who has inhaled the airs in the room where I’ve been. He knew full well that speaking is a source of income for me. It could have been better to have said, “I don’t know if Emeka is in a headspace to execute, but let’s ask him first.” Dude knows me closely. He’d been in close spaces with me. I interrogate allegations and I did so frontally. He didn’t deny it. This crop of people have placed heartwarming comments on posts and it’s an intriguing phenomenon of human existence to have both rivers with a human soul. I’m most pained for the lives they’re close to and can’t stop thinking of how many opportunities they’ve tied in chains in those lives because of their utterances.

“She’s old. Just keep your money for burial instead of this waste.”

I got this from someone inbox. I got a similar one in a comment on one of my posts. Then saw another on a post made by some who was soliciting for funds on my behalf. How do you say this of someone’s mother? She was 71. At 71, quite a number of people are running businesses, leading nations and championing changes. While taking care of those with certain illnesses, you’re vacillating between hope and despair. It’s simply human.

“I’m sorry I can’t post this on my wall. It’s not the type of thing my brand is known for.”

I got this type of response from two of my close people. I sincerely felt they could help. When I read their words, I asked if there was some other way they could help, they said they would get back to me. They never did. I wouldn’t know if they did anything else because they never reached back. Then the close ones who posted and deleted after a few hours. I tried to reply to a comment notification only to find the post had been deleted.

“Your friend said he doesn’t have money, but he’s posting himself drinking in bars.”

One day, after taking my mum to her chemo session, I got home and helped her settle back. After chemo, she’d usually experience three days of weakness, inability to eat well, and irritation. It’s usually not a good sight to behold of one’s mum. That day I decided to visit a quiet bar, dimly lit and aerated and just clear my head. I was feeling depressed. I took a glass of ale. I took a picture of it and posted. Tending to a sick person entails pausing on some aspects of your life. I’d be away for 4 to 5 days every three weeks to be with my mum, away from work and family. With crowdfunding, people expect you to look raggedly to prove you were bankrupt and truly needed help. The video I did, some people said I didn’t cry in the video and I wasn’t serious. Some said I had all the time to use my studio to record a posh video. Oh well.

“He says he needs money, but he doesn’t look like he doesn’t have money. See his clothes and watch.”

I’m not even affectionate for elegant dressing. I just wear clothes that are OK and I feel comfortable wearing. I’m not even flashy. The watch the guy spoke about was a gift from Watch Oracle. I only have two watches now and both are gifts from him. I have never bought a watch for myself. Again, crowdfunding opens that door for perceptions. One of such is the expectation that you should look impoverished if you’re asking for money.

“You de charge this and yet you are begging online.”

This guy had reached me to speak at his event. I asked him to send an email so my Executive Assistant would take the lead to share invitation protocols and organize whatever is needed. He received the email, saw my speaking fee and reached back to me. Instead of a negotiation, he sent the stinker above.

“I donated towards your mum’s health. I hope you can give me discount.”

This was the last sentence in a string of sentences someone sent to me while requesting for a session with me. I wondered the nexus between donation and discount. Till now I’m yet to figure it.

Oh, the guy I brought to my office and begged so passionately to aid me work on promotions of my products because he was good at it so I could raise some good money. I offered to pay, but he said he wouldn’t bill me. One month in he bailed on me. Target was to do at least N3M monthly to aid in paying for her chemo sessions. I kept calling and calling. No response. My WhatsApp messages have remained unreplied till date. He also doesn’t pick my calls, but has remained active on Facebook.

Taking care of my mum took its toll. My health, my finances, my business, my family. Before she passed on, I couldn’t sleep for good 7 days. Crowdfunding to raise funds brought quite unsavory comments and behaviors from quite a number of people. They were undignifying and it made me fully comprehend why a number of people I’ve asked to let me go that route for them rejected it.

To save my mum, I shoved my ego aside. I’d do it for someone I love, blood or not. God has blessed me with a bit of fame and influence and quite a number of concerned people felt it was undignified for me to share.

I’m sharing these experiences to say that if you’ll love to go the route of raising funds from public for your loved one…

• do it. Don’t look back. Everyone of us on earth needs help in one way or the other. It could be emotional, spiritual, financial or physical. Don’t be ashamed that you need help.
• guard your heart. There are many ways to do so. Why? You’ll definitely get unsavory comments. It’s just human nature to show darkness of the soul.

At this point, let’s flip this. It’s not all doom and gloom. A lot of beautiful things happened.

I had the help of many people with whom I’d never connected in my life. These people would send me 1M or N2M and reach me inbox. They’ve never liked or commented any of my works online, but they would send me words of encouragement.

My acquaintances did campaigns to raise funds. People online saw them. They did so publicly. They shared posts, canvassed for funds and supported the fundraising. I am afraid to want to list names lest I forget any because my brain is foggy and truly, I didn’t keep a proper list. I’m apologetic about that as my focus was on getting my mum well. I’ve thanked them publicly and in private.

I’d enter a taxi and the driver would easily recognise me, ask me about my parents and ask me not to pay the fare for the ride. Absolutely beautiful times they were. The eateries I’d get into and someone would recognize:d pay for the food. These humans are beautiful.

What about folks who saw strength in my divulgence? Men and women who got emboldened by my vulnerability to face the stigmas of their own lives and live life with brevity.

I connected with people who shared with me their own travails. Some of them had survivors. Some lost their relations. I learned a lot from what they shared with me – nutritional protocols, spiritual activities, and behavioral modifications. What I have learned can fill a whole book.

Most heartwarming is the fact people who had become estranged from their parents reconnecting back and building their relationships. And the ones who decided to better their care for their own parents. Absolutely enchanting and something that we can’t put a financial worth on.

Note this : the angels who drew near were more!

Will I do it again for my parents? Oh yes, I will.
Will I do it for people? Oh yes, I will.

Adieu, Mummy.