How do we get men to chase women again? By Aderemi Ogunpitan

From Lagos to Abuja, Calabar to Yola, women are beginning to ask a familiar question with growing frustration: “Why don’t men chase anymore?”

Once upon a time, romance was an art. Men pursued with charm, intentionality, and persistence. Women responded with grace, curiosity, and the delicate rhythm of giving just enough — not too much, not too little. But today, the chase ends before it even begins. At the first sign of hesitation, men withdraw. No pleading, no double-texting — just silence.

Something has shifted. Socially, we’ve entered a new age of relationships where detachment is the new cool. Everyone’s armed with therapy language, curated Instagram personas, and endless relationship podcasts offering contradicting advice. The modern Nigerian man — busy, overworked, and under-rested. or unemployed— no longer sees the “hard to get” routine as part of the dance. He sees it as a red flag. He’s not angry; he’s simply uninterested in playing games he didn’t sign up for. And with timelines full of stories about being “used,” “manipulated,” or “led on,” many men now treat emotional vulnerability like a bad investment.

Technology hasn’t helped either. In a world where a new match is just a swipe away, patience is in short supply. The romantic economy now favours speed over substance. Why wait for a reply when another conversation is already blooming elsewhere? For many urban men, what used to be the thrill of pursuit now feels like a performance with no applause and no payoff. Add to that the rising cost of basic wooing — from Uber fares to shared meals — and suddenly, romance starts to look more like a debit alert than an experience.

At the same time, today’s women are more exposed. They’re more educated, independent, and rightfully raising the bar. But with this empowerment comes a new challenge: many men now feel like they’re being evaluated rather than appreciated. The result? They disengage early, sometimes before a connection can take root.
So what now?

Men, bring back intentionality. Pursue with clarity, not for applause or points, but because connection still matters.

And women, offering a little warmth isn’t weakness. A genuine signal can break through all that defensive detachment.

In a world full of fast love and short attention spans, and quick relationship turnover maybe what we need isn’t a new game — but a return to grace. The chase isn’t dead. It just needs a better reason to begin.